This Girl: A Novel Read online

  “Julia,” I say. “If you ever feel like talking about it . . .”

  She smiles, then turns and walks away. I’m left standing in front of my house with the emptiest feeling in the world. Knowing what’s about to become of Lake’s life—it makes me want to protect her even more. I’ve been in her shoes before and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I sure as hell don’t wish it on the girl I’m falling in love with.

  9.

  the honeymoon

  LAKE SLIDES OFF the bed and walks to the bathroom, wiping her eyes. This is such a bad idea. This is exactly why I don’t like bringing up the past.

  “Lake,” I say, following after her. She’s looking into the bathroom mirror, dabbing a tissue to her eyes. I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, resting my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

  She looks at my reflection in the mirror. “Will,” she whispers. She turns around to face me and wraps her arms around my neck. “It’s just that I had no idea. I didn’t know you already knew she was sick.”

  I pull her to me. “I couldn’t really come out and say it, you know. We weren’t even speaking at that point. Besides, I would have never betrayed your mom.”

  She laughs into my shirt, causing me to pull back and look at her. “What?” I ask, confused about why she’s laughing through her tears.

  “Believe me,” she says. “I know how your promises to my mom work. We had to suffer the consequences of that last promise you made for an entire year.” She throws her tissue into the trash can and grabs my hand, leading me back to the bed.

  “I wouldn’t call it suffering,” I say, thinking back on last night. “In fact, I’m pretty sure it was worth all the waiting.”

  She places her hand between her cheek and the pillow and we turn toward each other. I run my fingers through her hair and tuck it behind her ears, then kiss her on the forehead.

  “Speaking of suffering,” she says. “You just wait until I see Gavin and Eddie again. I can’t believe they tried to set you up.”

  I pull my hand away from her face and rest it on the bed between us. For some reason, I feel like I can’t touch her when I’m withholding truth. I break eye contact and roll onto my back. If she’s going to bring this up to Eddie, I might as well get it all out in the open now. Otherwise, we’ll all suffer.

  “Um . . . Lake?” I say hesitantly. As soon as her name comes out of my mouth, she shakes her head and scoffs at me.

  “You didn’t,” she says, her words laced with disappointment. She’s way too perceptive.

  I don’t respond.

  My silence prompts her to jerk up and grab my jaw, forcing me to look at her.

  “You went on a DATE?” she says in disbelief.

  I place my hand on her cheek in a heartening gesture, hoping my touch will soothe the words about to come out of my mouth. She jerks her face away from my hand and sits up on her knees, placing her hands on them.

  “Are you serious?”

  I laugh a nervous laugh, attempting to make light of the situation. “Lake, you know how forceful Eddie can be. I didn’t want to go. Besides, it was just one date.”

  “Just one date?” she says. “Are you saying you can’t develop feelings for someone after just one date?” She spins around on the bed and stands up, dropping down into the desk chair beside the bed. She folds her arms across her chest, shaking her head again. “Please tell me you didn’t kiss her.”

  I scoot toward her until I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. I reach forward and take her hands in mine and look her in the eyes. “I love you,” I say. “And I’m here. With you. Married to you. Who cares what happened on one silly date more than two years ago?”

  “You KISSED her?” she says, jerking her hands back. She places her foot on the bed between my legs and pushes against it, rolling her and the chair several feet away from me.

  “She kissed me,” I say defensively. “And it was . . . God, Lake. It was nothing like kissing you.”

  She glares at me.

  “Okay,” I say, wiping the smirk off my face. “Not funny. But seriously, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Besides, you agreed to go out with Nick that next week. Remember? What’s the difference?”

  “What’s the difference?” she says, enunciating each word carefully. “I didn’t go on a date with him. I didn’t kiss him. That’s a pretty damn big difference.”

  I lean forward and grab the arms of her chair and pull her back to me until she’s flush against my legs. I place my hands on her cheeks and force her to look at me. “Layken Cooper, I love you. I’ve loved you since the second I laid eyes on you and I haven’t stopped loving you for a second since. The entire time I was out with Taylor, all I was thinking about was you.”

  She crinkles up her nose. “Taylor? I didn’t need to know her name, Will. Now I’ll have a distaste for Taylors for the rest of my life.”

  “Like I have distaste for Javiers and Nicks?” I say. She grins, but quickly forces the smile away, still trying to punish me with her ineffective scowl.

  “You’re so cute when you’re jealous, babe.” I lean forward and softly press my lips to hers. She sighs a quiet, defeated sigh into my mouth and relents, parting her lips for me. I run my hands down her arms and to her waist, then pull her out of the chair and on top of me as I lean back onto the bed.

  I place one hand on the small of her back, pressing her against me, and my other hand I run through her hair, grabbing the back of her head. I kiss her hard as I roll her onto her back, proving to her she has absolutely nothing to be jealous of. As soon as I’m on top of her, she places her hands on my cheeks and forces my face away from hers.

  “So your lips touched someone else’s lips? After our first kiss?”

  I fall back onto the bed beside her. “Lake, stop it. Stop thinking about it.”

  “I can’t, Will.” She turns to me and makes that damn pouty face she knows I can’t refuse. “I have to know details. In my head all I can picture is you taking some girl out on this perfect date and making her grilled cheese sandwiches and playing “would you rather” with her and sharing seriously intense moments with her, then kissing the hell out of her at the end of the night.”

  Her description of our first date makes me laugh. I lean over and press my lips to her ear and whisper, “Is that what I did to you? I kissed the hell out of you?”

  She pulls her neck away and shoots me a glare, letting me know she isn’t backing down until she gets her way. “Fine,” I groan, pulling back. “If I tell you all about it will you promise to let me kiss the hell out of you again?”

  “Promise,” she says.

  the other date

  WHEN THE DISMISSAL bell rings, Lake is the first out of the classroom again. The tension in the air between us is so thick, it’s like she has to run outside just to breathe. I walk to my desk and take a seat while the rest of the students file out.

  “Saturday night. Seven o’clock good for you?” Gavin says. I look up at him and he’s staring at me, waiting for a response.

  “Good for what?”

  “For Taylor. We’re going on a double date and Eddie won’t take no for an answer.”

  “No.”

  Gavin stares at me for a few seconds, finding it difficult to comprehend my answer. It was a pretty clear no, so I’m not sure what the problem is.

  “Please?” he says.

  “Puppy dog eyes only work on your girlfriend, Gavin.”

  He slumps his shoulders and lands in the desk in front of me. “She’s not gonna let it go, Will. Once Eddie gets something in her head, it’s way less painful to just go along with it.”

  I shake my head. “No. I’m not going,” I say firmly. “Besides, you’re the one who put this idea in her head. You should have to suffer the consequences, not me.”

  Gavin leans back in his chair and runs his hands over his face, defeated. As soon as I feel victorious, he shoots forward in his seat. “
If you don’t go, I’ll tell.”

  I lean back in my chair and glare at him. “You’ll tell what?”

  He glances at the door, then back at me, ensuring our privacy. “I’ll go to Principal Murphy and I’ll tell him you went out with a student. I’m sorry it has to come to blackmail, Will, but you don’t know Eddie when she gets an idea in her head. You have to do this for me.”

  Did he really just threaten to blackmail me?

  I pick up my pen and pull my lesson plan in front of me, breaking eye contact with him. “Gavin, you won’t tell,” I say, laughing.

  He groans at my response, because he knows he would never stoop that low. “You’re right. I’d never tell. But don’t you think you owe it to me for being so trustworthy?” he says. “It’s just one date. One tiny favor. What difference can one date make?”

  “Depending on who it’s with, it can make a huge difference,” I say. One date with Lake was enough to send my life into a tailspin.

  “If it helps, you won’t have to do much talking. Taylor and Eddie will completely monopolize the conversation. We can eat our steaks and grunt every few minutes and they’ll be none the wiser. Then it’ll be over. I swear.”

  I do owe him a favor. A huge favor. He’s the only one who knows about my situation with Lake and he’s never once given me flak about it. I don’t know how Eddie can get her way when she’s not even in the room, but I finally relent. I slap my pen down on the desk and sigh, giving him a stern look.

  “Fine,” I say. “Under one condition.”

  “Anything,” he says.

  “I don’t want this to get back to Lake. Tell Eddie I’ll go, but give her an excuse to keep her quiet. Tell her I’m not supposed to be hanging out with you two after hours or something.”

  Gavin stands and gathers his things. “Thank you, Will,” he says. “You’re a lifesaver. And hey, you might even like Taylor. Keep an open mind.”

  •••

  I WALK INTO the restaurant and spot the three of them in a booth in the far corner. I take a deep breath, then grudgingly walk toward them. I can’t believe I’m going on a date. A date that’s not with Lake, the only girl I want to be on a date with.

  The girl I can’t be on a date with.

  Gavin’s words, “keep an open mind,” linger in my head. I’ve been completely consumed by thoughts of Lake since I met her almost three weeks ago. I’ve made the right choice by not continuing something that could ruin my career, but now I just need to figure out how to accept that choice and get her out of my head. Maybe Gavin’s right. Maybe I do need to try to move on. It could be better for both of us this way.

  When Gavin spots me, he waves and stands up, prompting Taylor to turn around. She’s . . . cute. Really cute. Her hair is darker than Lake’s and shorter, but it fits her well. She’s not as tall as Lake, either. She’s got a great smile; one of those that seems to be permanently affixed.

  I reach the table and smile back at her. Might as well give this a shot.

  “Will, Taylor. Taylor, Will,” Gavin says, gesturing between us. She smiles and stands up, then gives me a quick hug. General greetings pass around the table and we take our seats. It’s odd sitting on the same side of the booth with her. I don’t know if I should turn toward her or give my attention to Eddie and Gavin.

  “So,” she says. “Gavin says you’re a teacher?”

  I nod. “Student teacher. Until December graduation, anyway.”

  “You’re graduating in December?” she asks, taking a sip of her soda. “How? Isn’t that a semester early?”

  The waitress walks up to the table and hands me a menu, interrupting the short conversation. “What can I get you to drink?”

  “I’ll have a sweet tea,” I say. The waitress nods and walks away, then Eddie nudges Gavin and pushes his shoulder.

  “Sorry, guys, but . . . something just came up,” Eddie says. Gavin stands up and pulls his wallet out of his pocket, throwing some cash down on the table.

  “This should cover our drinks. You can take Taylor home, right?” he says to me.

  “Something came up, huh?” I ask, glaring at both of them. I can’t believe they’re doing this. I’m so going to fail them.

  “Uh, yeah,” Eddie says, taking Gavin’s hand. “So sorry we can’t stay. You two have fun.”

  And they’re gone. Just like that.

  Taylor laughs. “Wow. That wasn’t obvious,” she says.

  I turn back to her and she’s grinning, shaking her head. Now it really feels odd sitting in the same side of the booth with her. “Well,” I say. “This is . . .”

  We both say “awkward” at the same time, which causes us to laugh.

  “Do you mind if . . .” I point to the other side of the booth and she shakes her head.

  “No, please. I’ve never been a same-side-of-the-booth girl. It’s weird.”

  “I agree,” I say, scooting into the seat across from her. The waitress brings my drink and takes our order. It gives us about thirty seconds of distraction before she walks away again, leaving us to fend for ourselves.

  Taylor lifts her glass up, motioning to mine. “To awkward first dates,” she says. I pick my glass up and clink it against hers.

  “So, before all that,” she says, waving her hand in the air. “We were talking about how you were graduating a semester early?”

  “Yeah . . .” I pause. I don’t really feel like going into detail about the real reasons I’m graduating early. I lean back in the booth and shrug. “When I want something, I guess I just focus until I get it. Tunnel vision,” I say.

  She nods. “Impressive. I’ve still got a year left, but I’m going into teaching, too. Primary. I like kids.”

  Our conversation begins to flow better. We talk about college for a while, then when the food comes we talk about that. Then when we run out of things to talk about, she brings up her family. I let her talk about them, but I don’t divulge. By the time the bill comes, the conversation is far from awkward. I’ve only thought about Lake ten times. Maybe fifteen.

  Everything seems okay until we’re in the car, backing out of the parking lot. Seeing her sitting in the passenger seat, staring out the window; it’s reminiscent of just a few weeks ago when Lake was doing the exact same thing, in this exact same spot. But it doesn’t feel anything like that. That night with Lake I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her while we drove and she slept, her hand still locked with mine. I’m not one to believe that there is only one person right for me in the world. But the tug and pull Lake has on me, even when she isn’t in my presence, it makes it feel like she’s the most right for me. As much as I think Taylor and I would hit it off on a second date, I’m not so sure I’ll ever be able to settle for anything less than what I feel for Lake.

  We make more small talk and she directs me toward her house. When we pull up into the driveway, the awkwardness immediately sets in. I don’t want to lead her on at all, but I also don’t want her to think she did anything wrong to turn me off. She was great. The date was great. It’s just that my date with Lake was so much more, and now I want nothing less.

  I put the car in park and, as awkward as this is going to be, I offer to walk her to her door. When we reach the patio, she turns around and looks up at me with an inviting and welcoming look on her face. This is the point where I need to be honest with her. I don’t want to get her hopes up.

  “Taylor . . .” I say. “I had a really good ti—” Before I can finish my sentence, her lips are meshed with mine. She doesn’t seem like the type to make such bold moves, so the kiss catches me completely off guard. She runs her hands through my hair and I’m suddenly faced with the realization that I don’t know what to do with my own hands. Do I touch her? Do I push her away? To be honest, the kiss isn’t half bad and I catch myself closing my eyes, bringing my hand to her cheek. I know I shouldn’t be making comparisons but I can’t help it. This kiss is reminiscent of kissing Vaughn. It’s not bad . . . pleasant even. But there isn’t any emotion in i
t. No passion. Nothing like what I felt when I kissed Lake.

  Lake.

  I prepare to pull myself away from her when she finally pulls back herself. I’m relieved I didn’t have to be the one to push her away. She takes a step back and covers her mouth in embarrassment. “Wow,” she says. “I’m so sorry. I’m not usually that forward.”

  I laugh. “It’s fine. Really, Taylor. It was nice.”

  I’m not lying; it was nice.

  “You’re just really . . . I don’t know,” she says, still smiling uncomfortably. “I just wanted to kiss you,” she shrugs.

  I rub the back of my neck and glance at her front door, then back at her. How am I going to say this?

  She follows my gaze to her front door, then back to me and smiles. “Oh. You uh . . . You want to come inside?”

  Oh, god, oh, god. Why did I look at the door? She thinks I want to come inside now. Do I want to come inside? Shit. I don’t want to come inside. I can’t. I wouldn’t be thinking about Taylor at all if I went inside.

  “Taylor,” I say. “I need to be honest with you. I think you’re great. I had a great time. If we did this a few months ago, I’d be inside that house with you in a heartbeat.”

  She can see where I’m headed, so she just nods. “But . . .” she says.

  “There’s someone else. Someone recent that I can’t seem to get past. I agreed to this date because I was hoping that maybe it would somehow help me get over her, but . . . it’s too soon.”

  She looks up at the sky and drops her arms to her side. “Oh, god. I just kissed you. I thought you were feeling it, too, so I kissed you.” She covers her face with her hands, embarrassed. “I’m an idiot.”

  “No,” I say, taking a step closer. “No, don’t say that. I know this is cliché and it’s the last thing you want to hear, but . . . it’s not you, it’s me. It’s completely me. Really. I think you’re great and cute and I’m glad you kissed me. Honestly, the timing just really sucks. That’s all.”

  She hugs herself with her arms and looks down at the ground. “If it’s just timing,” she says quietly, “will you keep my number? In case the timing thing ever gets better?”