Never Never: Part Two Read online

  I push past Annika and rush after the girl. I yell, "Hey," again, but she just picks up her pace and tucks into herself even more, never turning around. I should know her name. She'd probably stop if I just called out her name. I'm sure if I yelled, "Hey, Shrimp!" that wouldn't win me any favors.

  What a nickname. Teenagers can be so cruel. I'm embarrassed to be one of them.

  Right before her hand reaches the doorknob of a classroom, I slide in front of her, my back against the door. She takes a quick step back, surprised to see me directing my attention at her. She hugs her books to her chest and glances around, but we've reached the end of the hallway and there aren't any students around us.

  "What...what do you want?" she asks, her voice a scattered whisper.

  "Have you seen Charlie?" The question seems to surprise her more than the fact that I'm talking to her. She immediately distances herself from me with another step.

  "What do you mean?" she asks again. "She's not looking for me, is she?" Her voice sounds fearful. Why would she be afraid of Charlie?

  "Listen," I say, glancing down the hallway to ensure our privacy. I look back at her and can tell she's holding her breath. "I need a favor, but I don't want to talk about it here. Can you meet me after school?"

  Again with the surprised expression. She immediately shakes her head no. Her hesitance to want to have anything to do with Charlie or me piques my interest. She either knows something and she's hiding it, or she knows something that she has no idea could help me.

  "Just for a few minutes?" I ask. She shakes her head again when someone begins walking in our direction. I cut the conversation short and don't give her a chance to say no again. "Meet me at my locker after class. I have a couple of questions," I say before walking away.

  I don't look back at her. I head down the hallway but have no idea where I'm actually going. I should probably go to the athletic department and find my locker there. According to what I read in our notes, there's a letter I haven't read yet in the locker room, along with some pictures.

  I round the corner in a hurry and bump into a girl, causing her to drop her purse. I mutter an apology and step around her, continuing down the hallway.

  "Silas!" she yells.

  I pause.

  Crap. I have no idea who she is.

  I slowly turn on my heels and she's standing upright, pulling her purse strap higher up on her shoulder. I wait for her to say something else, but she just stares at me. After a few seconds, she throws her palms up in the air. "Well?" she says, frustrated.

  I tilt my head in confusion. Is she expecting an apology? "Well...what?"

  She huffs and folds her arms over her chest. "Did you find my sister?"

  Janette. This is Charlie's sister, Janette. Crap.

  I can imagine it's hard enough searching for a missing person, but trying to search for them when you have no idea who you are, who they are, or who anyone else is kind of feels like shooting for the impossible.

  "Not yet," I tell her. "Still looking. You?"

  She takes a step toward me and tucks her chin in. "Don't you think if I found her I wouldn't have asked you if you found her?"

  I take a step back, putting a safe distance between that glare and me.

  Okay. So Janette is not a very pleasant person. I should write that in the notes for future reference.

  She pulls a phone from her purse. "I'm calling the police," she says. "I'm really worried about her."

  "I already spoke to the police."

  She darts her eyes up to mine. "When? What did they say?"

  "I was at your house. Your mother called the police when she found me in the attic looking for Charlie. I told the officer she's been missing since last night, but your mother made it sound like I was overreacting, so they didn't take it seriously."

  Janette groans. "Figures," she says. "Well, I'm calling them again. I need to go outside to get a better signal. I'll let you know what they say." She steps around me to head outside.

  Once she's gone, I head in the direction of where I think the athletic building might be.

  "Silas," someone says from behind me.

  Are you kidding me? Can I not make it five feet in this hallway without having to answer to someone?

  I turn to face whoever is wasting my time, only to find a girl--or woman, rather--who perfectly matches the description of Avril Ashley.

  This is exactly what I don't need right now.

  "Can I see you in my office, please?"

  I squeeze the back of my neck and shake my head. "I can't, Avril."

  She reveals nothing of what is going through her head. She stares at me with a stoic expression and then says, "My office. Now." She turns on her heels and heads down the hall.

  I contemplate running in the other direction, but drawing attention to myself won't do me any favors. I reluctantly follow her until she reaches the door to administration. I follow her past the secretary and into an office. I step aside as she closes the door, but I don't sit. I'm watching her carefully, and she still hasn't looked back at me.

  She makes her way to the window and stares outside, wrapping her arms around herself. The silence is awkward at best.

  "Do you want to explain what happened Friday night?" she asks.

  I immediately begin searching my infant memory for what she could be talking about.

  Friday, Friday, Friday.

  Without my notes in front of me, I come up empty. There's no way I can remember every detail of what I've read in the past two hours.

  When I fail to respond, she lets out a soft laugh. "You are unreal," she says, turning to face me now. Her eyes are red, but so far they're dry. "What in the world possessed you to punch my father?"

  Oh. The diner. The fight with the owner, Brian's father.

  Wait.

  I stand up straighter, the hairs prickling up across the skin of my neck. Avril Ashley is Brian Finley's sister? How is that even possible? And why would Charlie and I be involved with them?

  "Did it have to do with her?" she asks.

  She's throwing too much at me at once. I grip the back of my neck with my hands again and squeeze away some of the nerves. She doesn't seem to care that I'm not in the mood to discuss this right now. She takes several quick steps toward me until her finger is poking me in the chest.

  "My father was offering her a job, you know. I don't know what you're up to, Silas." She spins and walks back to the window but then throws her hands up in frustration and faces me. "First, you waltz in here three weeks ago and act like Charlie is destroying your life because of her involvement with Brian. You make me feel sorry for you. You even make me feel guilty just for being his sister. And then you use that to manipulate me into kissing you, and once I finally cave, you show up every single day for more. Then you go to my father's restaurant and attack him, then follow that up by breaking things off with me." She takes a step back and puts her hand against her forehead. "Do you realize how much trouble I could be in, Silas?" She begins pacing back and forth. "I liked you. I risked my job for you. Hell, I risked my relationship with my own brother for you." She stares up at the ceiling, placing her hands on her hips. "I'm an idiot," she says. "I'm married. I'm a married woman with a degree, and here I am messing around with a student simply because he's attractive and I'm too damn foolish to know when someone is using me."

  Information overload. I can't even respond as everything she just said sinks in.

  "If you tell anyone about this, I'll make sure my father presses charges against you," she says with a threatening glare.

  I find my tongue with that comment. "I'll never tell anyone, Avril. You know that."

  Does she know that? The old me didn't seem to be very trustworthy.

  She keeps her eyes locked with mine for several moments until she seems satisfied with my response. "Leave. And if you need a counselor for the rest of the school year, do us both a favor and transfer schools."

  I put my hand on the doorknob and wait for her
to say something else. When she doesn't, I try and make up for the old Silas. "For what it's worth...I'm sorry."

  Her lips press into a tight line. She spins and walks angrily to her desk. "Get the hell out of my office, Silas."

  Gladly.

  I must have drifted off. I hear a soft beep and then the sound of metal sliding against metal. My eyes snap open and instinctually I press myself harder against the wall. I can't believe I fell asleep. They had to have drugged me.

  They. I'm about to find out who they are.

  The door opens and my breathing gets faster as I squirm against the wall. A foot, plain white tennis shoes, and then...the smiling face of a woman. She comes in humming, kicking the door closed behind her. I relax a little. She looks like a nurse, dressed in pale yellow scrubs. Her hair is dark and pulled back in a low ponytail. She's older, maybe in her forties. For a brief second I wonder how old I am. My hand travels up to my face, as if I could feel my age on my skin.

  "Hello," she says cheerfully. She hasn't looked at me yet. She's busying herself with the tray of food.

  I wrap my arms tighter around my knees. She sets a tray down on a little table next to the bed and glances up for the first time.

  "I brought your lunch. Are you hungry?"

  Lunch? I wonder what happened to breakfast.

  When I still don't answer, she smiles and lifts the lid off one of the plates as if to tempt me.

  "It's spaghetti today," she says. "You like spaghetti."

  Today? Like, how many days have I been here? I want to ask her, but my tongue is frozen in fear.

  "You're confused. That's okay. You're safe here," she says.

  Funny, I don't feel safe.

  She offers me a paper cup. I stare at it.

  "You have to take your meds," she says, shaking the cup. I can hear the rattling of more than one pill inside. I am being drugged.

  "What's it for?" I startle at the sound of my voice. Raspy. I haven't used it in a while, or I've been screaming a lot.

  She smiles again. "The usual, silly." She frowns down at me, suddenly serious. "We know what happens when you don't take your medication, Sammy. You don't want to go down that path again."

  Sammy!

  I want to cry because I have a name! I reach for the cup. I don't know what she means, but I don't want to go down that path again. That path is probably why I'm here.

  "Where am I?" I ask. There are three pills: one white, one blue, one brown.

  She cocks her head to the side as she hands me a plastic cup of water. "You're in the Saint Bartholomew hospital. Don't you remember?"

  I stare at her. Am I supposed to? If I ask her questions, she may think I'm crazy, and by the looks of things, I may already be crazy. I don't want to make things worse, but--

  She sighs. "Look, I'm trying really hard with you, kid. But you have to do better this time. We can't have any more incidents."

  I'm a kid. I cause incidents. That must be why I'm locked up here.

  I tilt the cup 'til I feel the pills on my tongue. She hands me the water and I drink it. I'm thirsty.

  "Eat up," she says, clapping her hands together. I pull the tray toward me. I am very hungry.

  "Would you like to watch some television?"

  I nod. She's really nice. And I would like to watch television. She pulls a remote control out of her pocket and switches it on. The show is about a family. They are all sitting around a table having dinner. Where is my family?

  I'm starting to feel sleepy again.

  It's amazing how much I can learn just by keeping my mouth shut.

  Avril and Brian are brother and sister.

  Avril is married, yet I somehow still talked her into some sort of jacked-up relationship. And it's fairly new, which I didn't expect. It also seems odd that I would have gone to her for comfort, knowing Charlie and Brian were together.

  Based on what I've learned of Silas--or myself--I don't see me wanting to be with anyone but Charlie.

  Revenge? Maybe I was just using Avril to get information on Charlie and Brian.

  I spend the next ten minutes contemplating what I've learned as I make my way around the campus in search of the athletic department. Everything looks the same: faces, buildings, stupid motivational posters. I finally give up and duck into an empty classroom. I take a seat at a table along the back wall and unzip the backpack filled with my past. I pull out the journals and a few letters, organizing them by date. The majority of the letters are between Charlie and myself, but some of them are from her father, written to her from prison. This makes me sad. There are a few from random people--friends of hers, I'm assuming. Their notes to her annoy me, filled with shallow, teenage angst and bad spelling. I toss them aside, frustrated. I have a feeling whatever is going on with us has little to do with anyone else.

  I grab one of the letters Charlie's father wrote to her and read it first.

  Dear Peanut,

  You remember why I call you that, right? You were so small when you were born. I'd never held a baby before you, and I remember saying to Mom, "She's tiny, just like a little human peanut!"

  I miss you, baby girl. I know this must be hard for you. Be strong for your sister and your mom. They're not like us, and they'll need you to figure things out for them for a while. Until I come home. Trust me, I'm working hard to get home to you guys. In the meantime, I've been doing a lot of reading. I even read that book you liked so much. The one with the apple on the cover. Wow! That Edward is...how did you put it...dreamy?

  Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something important. So please listen to me. I know you've known Silas for a very long time. He's a good boy. I don't blame him for what his father did. But you have to stay away from that family, Charlize. I don't trust them. I wish I could explain everything, and I will one day. But please, stay away from the Nashes. Silas is just a pawn in his father's game. I'm afraid they'll use you to get to me. Promise me, Charlize, that you'll stay away from them. I told Mom to use the money in the other account to get by for a while. If you have to, sell her rings. She won't want to, but do it anyway.

  I love you,

  Dad

  I read the letter twice to make sure I don't miss anything. Whatever happened between my father and her father was serious. The man is in prison, and from reading the letter, he doesn't think his sentence is justified. It makes me wonder if my father is really to blame.

  I place the letter in a new pile to keep it separate. If I keep all the letters that could mean something in their own pile, then if we lose our memories again, we won't have to waste time reading letters that serve no purpose.

  I open up another letter that looks like it's been read a hundred times.

  Dear Charlie baby,

  You get really angry when you're hungry. You get hangry. It's like you're not even the same person. Can we keep granola bars in your purse or something? It's just that I worry about my balls. The guys are starting to say I'm whipped. And I know what it looks like. I ran like young buck to get you a bucket of chicken yesterday and missed the best part of the game. I missed seeing the greatest comeback in the history of football. All because I'm scared--so in love with you. Maybe I am whipped. You looked really sexy with all that chicken grease on your face. Ripping the meat away with your teeth like a savage. God. I just want to marry you.

  Never Never

  Silas

  I can feel a smile begin to form on my face, and I immediately shake it away. The fact that this girl is somewhere out there and has no idea who or where she is leaves no room for smiles. I grab another letter, this time wanting to read something from her to me.

  Dear Silas baby,

  Best. Concert. Ever. You may be cuter than Harry Styles, especially when you do that shoulder move and pretend you're smoking a cigar. Thank you for locking us in a broom closet and then keeping your promise. I REALLY liked the broom closet. I hope we can replicate it in our house one day. Just go in there and make out while the kids nap. Except with snacks, be
cause...hangry. Speaking of food, I have to go because the kids I'm babysitting are dumping a jar of pickles down the toilet. Oops! Maybe we should just have a dog.

  Never Never,

  Charlie

  I like her. I even kind of like myself with her.

  A dull ache begins to make its way across my chest. I rub it while staring at her handwriting. It's familiar.

  It's sadness. I remember what it feels like to be sad.

  I read another letter from me to her, hoping to gain more insight into my personality.

  Charlie baby,

  I missed you today more than I've ever missed you. It was a hard day. It's been a hard summer, actually. The upcoming trial coupled with not being allowed to see you has officially made this the worst year of my life.

  And to think it started out so good.

  Remember that night I snuck in your window? I remember it vividly, but that might be because I still have it on video and I watch it every single night. But I know that whether or not I had it on video at all, I'd still remember every detail of it. It was the first time we ever spent the night together as a couple, even though I wasn't actually supposed to be spending the night.

  But waking up and seeing the sun shining through the window and across your face made it feel like a dream. Like this girl I had been holding in my arms for the past six hours wasn't real. Because life couldn't possibly feel as perfect and as carefree as it did in that moment.

  I know you sometimes give me a hard time about how much I loved that night, but I think it's because I never really told you why.

  After you fell asleep, I moved the video camera closer to us. I wrapped my arms around you and listened to you breathe until I fell asleep.

  Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, I'll play that video.

  I know that's weird, but that's what you love about me. You love how much I love you. Because yes. I love you way too much. More than anyone deserves to be loved. But I can't help it. You make normal love hard. You make me psycho-love you.

  One of these days all of this mess will pass. Our families will forget how much they've hurt each other. They'll see the bond we continue to have and they'll be forced to accept it.

  Until then, never lose hope. Never stop loving me. Never forget.

  Never Never,

  Silas.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and release a slow breath. How is it possible to miss someone you can't remember?